Telling it Like It Is: U.S. Sen. Patty Murray

United States Senator Patty Murray began her public life in the Shoreline School District Board of Directors, and, ever since then, has made a career out of telling it like it is.  A lot of the time that’s admirable, but the longer you do that, the harder it is to turn that switch off. 

Sometimes people can be honest when it isn’t necessary.  Like the time Senator Murray said, “Guess what – I am one of the ONLY senators in the whole United States Senate that is computer literate!”  Part of me gets what she’s saying, but the other part is like…all right Patty, take it easy, you don’t have to be a jerk about it!  Lay off.  Some people aren’t good with computers.  You don’t have to rub it in.   

What does that have to do with politics anyway?  So what you’re saying is that if I have a penetrating political mind it wouldn’t matter because I don’t know how to use an iPad?  Abraham Lincoln didn’t know how to use computers.  Do you think he’s stupid?  You’d only be impressed with the Gettysburg Address if he e-mailed it to you? 

Do you tell people they smell bad too?  There’s a difference between legitimate political criticism and gossip.  Here’s an example of political criticism: He is a greedy and incompetent official not worthy of the public’s trust.  Here’s an example of what you did: He smells like poop.  What if there was a person who was the most capable, intelligent, and effective politician but also smelled like poop?  What would you have to say then?  You wouldn’t respect him?  You’d badmouth him to newspapers?  While he was giving a speech, you’d make it look like you were taking notes but you’d really be drawing cartoons of him with stink lines coming out? 

I bet you’re also the ONLY senator who thinks it’s hilarious to give all the other senators bunny ears while they’re taking a picture.  Patty, be honest, how many times did they have to take your official senatorial portrait?  How many times did the photographer have to tell you to “stop crossing your eyes and just look at the camera”?      

Are the other senators mean to you?  Did they make fun of you first?  Is that what all of this is about?  I was made fun of a lot in junior high; I know what it’s like.  People can tell when you’re confident and when you’re not; people can tell when you’re just smoking a cigarette to look cool and not because you actually “smoke all the time.”  You were smoking a cigarette on the lawn of the Capitol building then looked over and saw Maria Cantwell laughing, didn’t you?  It made you feel bad, didn’t it?    

 Just relax, Patty, and don’t be so eager to point out your colleagues’ irrelevant flaws.  And when you’re relaxed, that will make everyone else relax.  All you would really need to do is simply sit down and have a real conversation with the other  senators—but you would need to sit down, for once, without making fart noises.