More Expensive Than a Dog, But Kids Are a Great Way to Make Friends

Are you a new dad?

I’m near the end of the list of people you want to be asking for advice. But since I have two teenagers myself, I wanted to pass along a thought that could change your life.

It concerns friends.

Some of you new dads may not need to hear this. If you grew up in Puget Sound, you may already have an extended group of friends, not to mention family, nearby. You may have more friends your age than you know what to do with.

Some of you, though, may find yourself in my former situation. My wife and I had our first daughter in a town in Southern California, where I had recently relocated for a job. We were both longtime Californians, but found ourselves in a big city with no friends.

With both of us working and taking care of our daughter, and another one who came almost three years later, we almost had no time to actually leave the house and do grown-up things with grown-up people. We had friends, but they were work friends, and most of them didn’t have kids.

After another move, this one to Washington state, we soon had lots of friends. Friends who could empathize. Friends who we had a lot in common with. It wasn’t that we found a pipeline to friends where none existed in California.

We found good friends, who are still good friends, thanks to our kids.

The magic formula had nothing to do with money, or social status, or—if you know me you’ll know this to be true—my sparkling personality. (My wife, this helps, has enough personality for two.)

Our new and improved life came from becoming more involved in our kids’ lives at school and away from it.

Joining basketball leagues and the Girl Scouts. Volunteering at school. Socializing at school functions.

My sister, who lives about 45 minutes from us, was an inspiration. She still today has a close circle of friends with one thing in common: They all have kids the same age. They met through sports and through school. 

Pretty intuitive, huh? We need food, we need shelter, we need love. But humans are unique in their need for friends, for the companionship, wisdom and—yes—even the love they bring.

Are you a new dad? Join, participate, share. Get involved.

I'll never forget a trip to the San Juan Islands, where I was entrusted with a small dog for a couple of hours. Walking around Roche Harbor, entering shops, sitting on a bench, it was the same thing. People came up and commented on the pup, then starting talking. 

Kids are a lot like dogs.