Getting Mama's Sexy Back

As I’ve mentioned before, several of my good friends have become mothers for the first time this summer.  Recently, at a baby shower for yet another friend who will become a mother this fall, some of the other newbies got to talking about the post pregnancy body. 

Those first few weeks, for some of us months, after having a baby are not only all about getting to know your baby and coming to terms with your new life, but also your post-baby body.  Things take a long time to get back to some recognizable semblance of what you knew your body to be, if you’re lucky. 

There are a lot of issues that no one warns you about.  Such as, how loose everything is, particularly south of the border.  Yes, I’m going there.  It’s a bit shocking and disconcerting.  Sure, it seems obvious that things would be stretched out after pushing a human being through that portal, but it certainly wasn’t at the forefront of my focus when thinking about childbirth and my life thereafter.  There should be a class offered in conjunction with all of the childbirth and breast feeding 101 classes called, “The New You:  Dealing With the Fact That No Amount of Kegel Exercises Are Going to Get Your Girlfriend Back to Her Pre-Childbirth Fighting Form.” 

It’s taken me a very long time to feel like myself in my own skin again after having a baby.  A huge part of the problem, in my opinion, is the insane focus and value that the media and pop culture put on “body after baby”.  I mean really, Heidi Klum walking the Victoria Secret Fashion Show eight weeks after giving birth is INSANE!  I also could have personally hunted down Gisele Bundchen and slapped her myself for bragging about not having ever worn maternity clothing while pregnant.  Wow, such realistic and helpful information for the rest of us who aren’t Gisele Bundchen.  

What would be useful and healthy is a more honest discourse by real women on the physical realities that most of us experience after becoming mothers.  I recently enjoyed an article by the Woodinville Patch Mom’s Talk contributor, Kat Stremlau.  Read her article about how she’s confronting her post-baby body. 

Last spring I heard about a class called, “Sex, Desire and Reconnecting”, offered at Birth and Beyond and taught by a sexucator (sex educator) from Babeland, a sex toy shop located on Capital hill.  I was immediately drawn to this class.  Never have I felt more unsexy and disconnected from my sexuality than after becoming a mother.  Having grown up with a mother who frequently emphasizes the importance of a healthy sex life for a healthy marriage, I was feeling pretty freaked about this new shift.  So, when I saw this class I felt that it was a perfect fit.  I emailed all of my girlfriends trying to get someone to go with me.  Can you believe that only two of them emailed me back?  One said that it sounded great but she was going to be out of town that weekend, the other claimed zero problems in that department (even with two children under the age of two in the house! Seriously?) but cheered me on nonetheless.     

I didn’t end up signing up for that class for a variety of reasons but hope to attend the next one offered (keep reading for more info).  In the mean time, I spoke with Ashley at Babeland to get some of her book recommendations for this topic. 

They are: 

Sexy Mamas:  Keeping Your Sex Life Alive While Raising Kids, by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans

The Multi-Orgasmic Couple:  Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know, by Mantak Chia, Maneewan Chia, Douglas Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams

Your Orgasmic Pregnancy:  Little Sex Secrets Every Hot Mama Should Know (Positively Sexual), by Danielle Cavallucci and M.S. Yvonne K Fulbright

I have the first two on hold at King County Library System.  LOVE that place!

If you lean on the more shy or private side of things, Babeland has you covered.  They not only offer free private shopping by appointment, but will deliver directly to your house as well for a fee of $35. 

In addition to the class that caught my eye last spring, Babeland offers a variety of other classes that might be helpful in getting things revved up again.  Here’s their upcoming schedule. 

New additions to the schedule that might not yet be posted on the internet are:

“Sex During and After Pregnancy” on October 27th, from 6:30 – 8pm at Birth and Beyond, taught by a Babeland Sexucator.  Cost:  $10

“Sex, Desire and Reconnecting” offered monthly, every first Thursday from 11-12:30 at Birth and Beyond, taught by a Babeland Sexucator.  Cost:  $10

(If these times do not work for you, Audrey, one of Babeland’s sexucators, told me that you can book a private class for FREE if you have eight or more participants.)

Attending a class or reading books aren’t the only choices in the quest to feeling sexy again after having a baby.  For me it meant feeling good about myself and confident in my body and spirit again.  Here are some things that have worked for me.

1. Regular Exercise
2. Loosing the baby weight - I finally got rid of those last 12 pounds last winter by following a diet plan for the first time ever in my life.  I cannot tell you how awesome it felt to fit into my old clothes and feel decent about my body again.  My only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. 
3. Time to myself – Gotta fill up that cup
4. Time alone with my husband - Our daughter had her first overnight at auntie’s house last spring.  It was pure heaven! 
5. Putting some real effort into my appearance even if it felt indulgent, expensive and silly.  I’ve never been one to be super fussy about my hair, clothing or make-up.  Since our family is now surviving off of one income, spending money on my appearance was not a priority.  I’ve since changed my tune about that one.  I got an awesome haircut last fall and couldn’t believe the difference it made in how I felt about myself.  I was smiling more, standing taller and so much more confident (which translates to sexier!)  I once read that a good haircut “is your greatest accessory.” 
6. A good therapist – Having a neutral person who also happens to be a professional is tremendously helpful in keeping the brain sane and balancing things out.

It’s taken me a long time to accept the permanence of some aspects of my post-baby body.  There are just some things that we do not have control over.  Through this process I’ve learned that feeling sexy isn’t necessarily about how perky your breasts are (perky breasts after a year + of breast feeding?  NOT!), flat your stomach is or how firm things are in general.  Embracing who you are, exactly as you are and learning to have a sense of humor about the effects of Mother Nature on our bodies is a much healthier and realistic attitude to have after having a baby.  This doesn’t mean I’m throwing in the towel.  I will still be practicing my Kegels while I’m stuck in traffic and will be forever grateful for Spanx and a padded, “uplifting” bra.  I just get to feel sexy while doing so!

Side Note:  The staff at Babeland is amazing.  They are entirely generous, supportive and nonjudgmental about any questions or issues you might have.